(2000-2005)
HATE
Hate is a strong word, bright, yet dangerous, like the sun.
Hate is like a roaring fire raging with all its might.
Burning, like one thousand blue iced daggers stabbing you, one by one.
Like a witch cursing you with her diamond-shaped evil eyes, cursing you with
black magik.
Hate is like a flower failing to bloom,
That one flower trapped in the darkness of an ugly weed for eternity.
But, as always hate is apart of life, as is love.
So, if you must hate, know that you are doing it for the love of it.
the essence of pain
There was a time when all I did was think of you,
you stole my heart and then your broke it two in two.
You gave me life you gave me joy,
and then you go and run away with some toy.
I felt the pain when my heart started to burst it was
hard and strong, as the torns from a rose stabbing my
eternal soul. My flesh, skin and bones started to fade
away, as though my essence in this life was destroyed.
In the heart beat of a second my life as I know it was wrecken.
Through these painful words I spread on my lonely helpless
bed thinking of how I loved you, for not only loved you but I was
the soul barrier of our unborn child. So as you play these games,
I will go to a place where there is no time, nor race, soon this pain
will end and my broken heart will never again be tormented. Now
I rest in peace, and my soul is dead.
That day shall come
There will come a day where there will be peace.
A day to rise and have glory, for color, race, sex and age will no longer have
a hatred meaning.
No more judging, discriminating and hating
all those obstacles had become outdated.
As that day arrives I will stick by my passion, the one
that burns from with in, the one that will bring down the hate to ashes.
I will no longer fear, I have overcome, and will be awaiting this great future,
one where cultural diversity and acceptance will dominate this ugly word: HATE.
Black, White and Grey
Blankness in the pupils that set the face that greets others.
Two contrasted ways of living, creating a world not worth living.
Friendly eyes -- hiding many lies.
Pushing back advice, being hard headed and never thinking twice.
Loneliness covers the rising star, trying to glimmer through the cries.
9/11 -- UNTITLED
the devil shall cry -- when the angels wings spread and fly
the fear of dying, loving the crying
helpless lost souls pay their final tolls
the gates are now visible, no more hope is granted
the evils of this world get punished in the depths of rising fire
the doors open, the soul has vanished.
SADNESS
This sadness hit me from down under, with the sudden energy of nasty thunder.
No one is here to help me; no one is here to end my misery. No one truly knows
my pain, and will anyone ever? That would require my trust which isn't very easy
to gain. The look on the outside is as ugly as the inside, both hide lies, both
hide what is true inside, ME and innocent child more then willing to play. But
no one is here calling out my name, all I hear is noise of them screaming "go
away" I'm not needed by anyone I love, it hurts so bad -- when does it not?
Oh someone, somehow, or somewhere come and surpass this thunder.
UP and back DOWN
Life as I see it; through my eyes -- is truly flying. STOP! WAIT! I can't catch
up. Remember one thing; I just can't fly, no matter how many mountains I climb...no
matter how the wind carries me, I'll never reach the sky. That big blue looking
thing, above us all...it will never be reached, not by me, not by anyone, not
even if I try. That's so sad, isn't it? the higher I climb...the longer the mountain
gets...once I reach the top -- that's it...there's just no where left for me to
go, only back down. Life; why is it when things seem to be on the top -- sooner
or later -- you end up falling, not just falling but breaking every dream and
hope you had on the way.
2 WORLDS UP IN ONE SKY
You live in your world, I live in mine, How will our worlds ever collide? It's
unspoken for now but is it true? Will there ever be a me and you? is this a dream?
maybe a hope? You can hear the desperate sigh of an angel up in the sky, Trying
to create this bond, but only fearing that others will try to break it.
IGNORANCE and REMORSE
The words Ignorance and Remorse are the essence of my pain. Living day by day
in this dammed forsaken City of these so called "dreams". Where are
these dreams that those darned they Sayers speak of. For do I not live in this
City? the ohh so great New York. All that false hope without a glimpse of reality.
Where is my happiness? it is not found. Dreading day by day bored every step of
the way. Never feeling truly happy, because those moments never come. Don't get
me wrong for when they come they some how always end up un-done, not-finished,
or most likely destroyed. My life, and my dreams live in this world, or shall
I say another? for in this world I only see bitterness and hate, fear and uncertainty.
Where is the ray of light the one I seek out every night hoping that one day I
will be happy, and life will be great. HAHA yea right, what am I thinking, what
is my life to that light another soul crying out at night, gazing and wishing.
No future, just a broken past reminiscing about things the came to pass. In conclusion
to these words all I have to say is living in this world hurts.
SOMEONE SPECIAL
Someone special came into my world. This is the first time that something like
this has occurred. It seemed unreal at first but soon after I was assured. What
a wondrous feeling I'm receiving from my heart the one that was no where to be
found. Even the thought of true happiness is in my hopes for this person just
maybe the one. I shall not continue with those extra pages until the book has
been read a few chapters through. But by the looks of it what I read so far has
come true, my hope is found and I am no longer sad. Too bad it's over now.
UN-SPOKEN
Lost in your eyes; blinding my self with many lies. Can it be; your truly gone,
there will never be an "us"…forever more you are lost, but not
in my heart, there we shall never part. I miss the days when we use to talk, just
dreaming for the day where we'd get to actually get together and hug. The beauties
of kisses…are now blowing in the wind, far from me, far from you, far into
the sky of heavy grays and blues. Oh how I wish we were meant to be, maybe one
day you'll realize, how rare I am, and without me you'll end up with some typical
gal. Think things through, and come to me when your heart is ready, but beware
all good things tend to pass, so if you feel your ready try your luck and get
me fast. I still want you, so for you my heart is never as thick as glass. Am
I dreaming? Will this come true? Or maybe it's just the picture my heart drew,
one about me and you.
DREAM
I once had a dream that I was on top of the world.
Nothing could bring me down, then, one day you came around
And in an instant you shattered my dreams in and out.
I thought it was possible that it was me, but then I thought again it couldn't
be.
No, no - it was you, the one who ripped my heart two and two.
Come back to me, make my upside down's go right back up.
Help me find myself, and in a moment find you too.
SPECIAL
Don't you want someone you can always hold?
Someone who you know will always be there?
The one that won't laugh at what makes you cry.
Someone you can run to when you want to hide.
That one person you can confine in.
Not being lost in these adolescent turmoil's and drama.
This one love that will always stay
Never hesitate to lay; with you and only you.
Knowing you have someone to care for, and be taken care by.
Don't you yearn for that someone special?
I know I do; and I know who you are; but I can't have you anymore.
Timeless
When the day shall come, you will know what you need and want; you will soon see
the difference between the two and you will realize which means more to you.
Don't think once you do you can come around and I'll still be here waiting
for you.
Just so you know your time for thinking is running out, my heart cannot take
the wait anymore. Take this into mind for my heart will soon unwind and you
will mean nothing to me anymore.
In Waiting
There was a time in my life when I would just sit and wait for you.
To hear your voice was all I wanted.
To know you where there was all I needed..
But now this illusion has faded, the darkness set itself free…
I came to realize…your not here; with me.
You and Me
Fly away with me // lets go someplace together
Just you and me - Can't we make our love last forever?
This could be destiny; maybe even a touch of fate…
Hoping and praying for this, it's not too late…
We need to promise each other to one another…
My Feelings
I am writing my feelings here for you…
But how can I make you understand that you are truly the one for me…
Word after word could not describe my feelings towards you…
Either I'm psychotic or just in love, but I know now that my heart belongs - exclusively
to you. No matter how much "they've" tried to take my heart, it just
wont open up for anyone but you. I know I'm wasting my feelings on you, because
you will never be with me, but I just needed to write down what I feel for you.
Maybe in return you will do the same for me…because I think I love you.
My love
I think I’m in love with you and only you.
Be mine forever and I’ll be here for you.
Through the bad times – we’ll make it through.
Through the good times - I’ll be here with you.
What else do you need? What else could you want?
Just admit it to yourself, because you love me too!
My Grief
I don’t understand why someone must be hurt so often. I hate the pain I
go through, the one in my heart. That yearning that someone will finally come
along. But they never do! It’s like a hex was put on me. I’m never
going to be happy, never. I hate myself. This is not right - it’s not normal.
Why do I have to hurt alone? I’m so tired of this bullshit. Why must this
be happening to me? I am out-going and friendly. I try to put smiles on the faces
that need them; I always put everyone else’s happiness before mine. Why
is it that I’m the one that gets stepped on? I’m just worthless, I’m
only good when I have something to give and for what? I never get a simple gift
in return, NEVER, the gift of these two words “thank you”. I don’t
know why my life is doing me so wrong; I can’t be in this solitude any longer.
If I stay this way I will have to end it, right then and there. I don’t
even know if I’m depressed or if my heart is sad. Either way I’m left
here alone. I’m always alone.
Sometimes in a dream…
Sometimes in a dream, I dream of you…
Sometimes life can bring you down
You feel as though anything you do, you just won’t get by…
I have those days constantly; I just don’t know what to do…
It’s like, why me? Why is it always me? …Everyone else is doing
fine, but for some reason it’s like my life on earth has been damned.
I know living my dreams are just for part-time thoughts of joy
But if life indeed has been mapped out this way for me, then why must I stop dreaming?
I know it wont get better, but as I lay in my bed I can only think, feel and see,
hot sands, a beautiful man holding my hand. We are in love, yes love, that’s
what it is…something that has not been given to me, So I must dream a few
dreams of this fantasy romance with a character that has been mapped out by me.
I hate only being able to dream of a life I’d wish I’d exist in, but
if its my only way of feeling that joy, then why stop me?
Times Like This
Its times like this, you want to cry…
Its times like this, you want to die…
These days just come and go…
Nothing gets better, everything just gets worse.
It’s like there is nothing left in this world for me.
Just scars from the past that haunt you through.
I guess writing like this takes away from the pain, but what is there to gain?
Schooling is never grand, but you need an education to have the “upper hand”.
Why do you need faculty dictating what you should do, I feel just good experience
will do. But who am I to say such words…? Once again nobody…just nobody…heh.
Wanting a love is never far from my heart, but it has yet to come. Give me some
hope! Give me a chance! All I want is happiness, is that too much to ask?
I Wish
I wish I could soar…
…Up in the clear blue sky
I won’t deny it…
I wish I had looks that kill…
…It’s always a nice thought
Trust me, that’s no lie…
I wish I lived else where…
A peaceful environment that would be nice…
…to much commotion causes stress
I wish that one day I’ll be in love…
…Dreaming of it will take too long
So I’m still waiting…
I wish we lived in a world of fantasy and magic…
…The less fear the better
This dream will never come true…
I wish I was someone else…
…But doesn’t everyone
Then again, I’m stuck with me…
Words
Words on a paper are like signs of what was, is and will soon be…
From these words you can read my soul and I hope they take their toll.
From my heart and into yours, these words may cause thoughts to swerve.
Die with me
People are all dead to me.
Everyone sucks.
Life isn't never like a box of chocolates...
If it was the whole world would be fat.
We must live to suffer for everything we do.
We must dream to make up for everything we don't.
Life is a one way path to destruction of ones self.
No one is ever happy.
Life is bad...when will I see the good?
A Cry for Help
It's a sad place we've all come too
A place where society plays with our heads so much...
That we actually start believing everything they want us to.
Yes I am ugly...because my waist isn't a size 2...I get it...
Please just stop rubbing it in, just cause you - yourself want to fit in.
Why must I be out-casted when you are the minority?
You and your thin thighs are only made out to be hot...
But while you are raising your self-esteem, why must you knock mine out?
Can't we all be the definition of beauty? why must we commercialize...
Thin waists, silky hair, long legs and horse like smiles?
You are the minority, not me...I am the beauty of the past...
But you destroyed it when you looked ugly, so you needed to turn your looks
Into societies latest trend.
Stop making me wipe my tears
While you smear your high cheek bones with pink shears.
I'm tired of being told what level of pretty I can be if I try to look like
a certain
celebrity.
This world has come to a complete stop - girls are now trying to re-model themselves...
Because theirs boys are convinced they aren't pretty enough by societies standards...
So even the ones they love are only used as a toy, that way they can change
them into what they want.
How sad...
Come to me
Come to me, energize my soul
Take me to a place I’ve never been before
Body movements, lighting fires in the dark.
Embarking on emotions never felt before.
Look at me; there I go, as you promised
I felt it go up and down my spine,
Oh what a feeling so pure and divine.
A million riches wouldn’t take me away
From your kisses and this newfound passion as we lay.
A state of confusion
If there is no love, then what is love? How can it be shown, if there is nothing
to show for it? Where can we find it if it is not hiding. Who can tell me what
I love, if I love nothing but hate? if I love to hate, how can I anyhow? If neither
love nor hate exists how can I pick one over the other? After this message you
will be too confused to think about love and too paranoid to think of loving hate.
Past is gone
Thinking of how fast the past fly’s by sometimes makes you want to breakdown
and cry, the need to let go of what has passed, allows those memories stay frozen
in time at last. Do not let them haunt you in the present. You are getting older,
things have changed life is going to be difficult and still a little strange.
But never forget to keep your priorities straight, and listen to the advice of
others. Don’t worry, there are still going to be more lessons learned...
A pain that isn’t there
Can you feel it?
Can you see it?
Is it really there?
The past haunting you at every stare
The pain hurts so much
But you can’t let go
Then you remember it’s over, so…
There isn’t much left to see or do
What’s done has passed
What will happen is coming fast
At every step you take you know its coming
A new pain that will scorch you harder
A new fear that will scare you all over, just worse
It sad…but then you blink your eyes…and it’s over again,
With your next blink, a new problem appears.
Promise Me
I'll give you my hand, if you promise me yours and only yours. I'll give you the
stars if you promise you will never let them burn out. I'll give you the key to
my heart, if you promise you won't lose it. Promise to love me, to hold me and
to cherish me with all that you are. I will do the same. I will be who it is you
want me to be. Just sit tight and be here for me.
A Lonely Prayer
When he goes and ready for the flight. . .
Let him soar right through the clouds and fly into that glowing light
Let his sins be forgotten, and be given a chance to start anew
Embrace his spirit with open arms
Let him meet his life mate once again, in that world which never ends
let him love like no man has loved before
Give him peace, give him joy give him happiness
And finally...
Give him his final resting place in your world...
Another day
A new day begins the minute the old one gets through
You forget the past and the darkness of "future" overwhelms you
What is there left for you to do
What is there left for you to see
Is there anything you must do to see the world from a different point of view?
I'm tired of the same old thing, it makes my heart rate slow down
and makes my brain repeatedly sing "ding ding ding"
Nothing new to see or hear
Nothing worth a smile; such a simple thing.
Guilty pleasures consume me, but they are unattainable.
Save me and my world, stop these changeless days from repeating in whirls.
A Clone
I wish there was a clone of you.
So I can have one of my very own.
Someone just like you, but not who you are today.
But who you were yesterday.
Days pass by and I wonder where you've been and how you've been doing.
If I had a clone of you, I wouldn't have to ask, because he would be right by
my side.
And my side alone.
But there is no clone of you anywhere, today you've changed from yesterday.
You no longer want or wish for what you wanted yesterday, because today you
have her.
But tomorrow I'll find a clone of you. Because she has you, but I still want
you too.
The Stars
The stars come out at night and shine so bright that they turn darkness into light.
Laying down and looking up makes me want to dream a never ending tale of happiness
through and through, and all of this happens when I’m near you. If I could
bring down the stars, you know I would, just so you can always have one guiding
you. I wish I could spell out your name in those wondrous glowing dots…
I’d make them bright enough for the whole world to see.
Sky
When I look at the sky I see your face
The rays of light shine brighter with each passing day
You make me happy and that's all there is to it
How can someone on this planet have helped me get through it
My loneliness, sadness and fears have all gone and disappeared.
Thank you my sunshine for being you.
In your Arms
I lay in your arms and I feel so safe.
I don't need to worry about what else is taking place.
All I need is to feel you beside me, and I know everything is in its place.
You make me happy and that’s all I needed, to think this all happened
by a simple greeting.
Thank you for always being there sweetie.
You
Every time I see you, I can’t get enough of you and every time you're close
to me, I can’t let go and I just grow closer and closer with every new day
and that scares me... it scares me everyday...
Grow
How can I thank you for helping me grow? I don’t even know; where do I start,
from my heart or from my head. You don’t know it, but I lay awake in bed,
thinking of how wonderful it is to have you by my side. How I wish this could
last and this night would never die, but I know another night will come and it
will make my feelings stronger. You can not even begin to imagine how you make
me feel, I can not even put it into words, as shocking as that may be.
Hero
It’s been such a long time since I’ve let myself go, since I’ve
held my head up high and I do it now with pride and it’s all because of
you. I was holding out for a hero, and that’s what I got. I am so proud
of you, such a courageous soul held within such a gentle heart. I constantly tell
you, that you are perfect, buts that’s only because you are. No matter what
you believe, I see your flaws and your greatnesses all with the same eyes. To
me you have no weakness; you stand tall and make me want to believe that you can
claim victory in anything that you set out to do. My knight in shining armor,
there is no room I my heart for anyone but you.
A heart
Such a mystery we keep within ourselves, all these feelings we yearn to release
and expose. Yet we fear, why do we fear? Only we ourselves know. A heart in love
will never tell a lie, it will never agree to let go and it will never deceive
another. It will cherish every moment and it will not live in regret. It will
be thankful for every new memory in time it gets and every moment that it gets
to shine in. A heart in-love will never give up on something so special and it
will fight until its last beat to keep on going.
My Marine; my hero; my everything
In you I saw what I never saw in any other guy, I saw love, a future, possibility
- in your eyes I saw strength, willpower, courage and endless hope for things
to come. It took me a while to give you my trust, but you grew on me with time,
I gave myself to you in more ways then one and I'm THANKFUL it was you and not
anyone else. I am so proud of you, you are my hero, and I see my happiness in
your eyes, through your words... I see how much you care... through your actions
I found love, you aren't 'just another guy' who is passing through, but you
are my everything.
My one and only
You have all of me and I will wait and wait and wait, however long it takes you,
when you’re back, I’ll still be here with a smile on my face to welcome
you right back into my arms, where you belong. You are the only one I think about
and the only one who makes me smile the way I do, the only one who makes me feel
like a special little lady, the only one who has me and no one will ever take
your place, no matter what they say or offer. I’m holding your spot for
you, no worries baby, you have my word. I LOVE YOU.